I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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