i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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