i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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