i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
