I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He better not be in your backpack
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
