after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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