as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
