Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
