Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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