so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
