I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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