your parents love me but you hate me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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