Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
