Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
