its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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