if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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