I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
