She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
