Don't you send me to vm
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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