just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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