I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
