I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
