The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the liver wants what the liver wants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
