had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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