so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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