I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
