i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
