I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
