Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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