he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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