I'm jealous of your bromance
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
