you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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