Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
