when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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