Sober January is a disaster.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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