We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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