I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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