...so i touched it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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