dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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