Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
