Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
