whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
