it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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