Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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