Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
