I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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