easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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