Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
