So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
