Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
