So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
