First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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