dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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