Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
