so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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