You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
