He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
