I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
