I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
