I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
