I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
