I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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