You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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