I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
